Eliza Dushku is used to playing the revel outsider. She played a teenager ballsy enough to lift Arnold Schwarzenegger’s wallet in True Lies. She landed fresh on the Sunnydale scene to kick vampire ass (and sometimes Buffy’s too) on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. And in Bring I On, she was the moody, non-pastel-wearing new girl at school who turned the cheerleading squad on its pompon. But this time, in a small Atwater Village photo studio outside Los Angeles, I played the outsider. The event was a photo shoot for this very magazine. Eliza was surrounded by an entourage of two publicists, a hair stylish and a makeup artist. And while I looked on, they all bickered over who didn’t return who’s calls regarding Eliza’s hair and makeup on Oscar night, discussed the fact that her brother ended up doing it for her (and did a great job !) and obsessed over Eliza’s new Maxim magazine colour. “They make me look like I had a fuckin’ tit job! Look at that! They’re like little perfectly round coconuts!” Juggling a coffee, a cigarette, the Maxim and a man applying concealer to her eyelids, the 20-year-old starlet announced, “I have to quit smoking this week. I’m going to visit my grandmother in Michigan for Easter and I promised I’d wear a dress down to my ankles. She’s Mormon.” She laughed, took a drag and continued, “She’s actually opening up a lot. She just sent me an oven mitt with this little girl in a bikini on it, with big sewed-on boobs and was like, ‘I thought it looked like you!’” Then she remembered me and the interview and apologized, “I’m sorry, my dear.” I took that as my cue to begin.

ROUND ONE: I’LL TAKE CANNED ANSWERS FOR $500, JACK

You have four new films coming out this year?

Yes. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Soul Survivors, City by the Sea and The New Guy. I think Jay and Silent Bob comes out first, then Soul Survivors.

Which was your favorite?

I never have a favorite. Every job is something new, you know? The best thing about every movie is the different people that are on the show that you get to meet. They’re a lot of fun.

Will you return to Angel?

I don’t know.

Do you want to go back?

Yeah, I love those guys. I’ve always had so much fun with them. David [Boreanaz] is great. So much fun to work with

Do you have interest in going to college at any point?

Yeah.

At this point, I realized that it was bad to interview a person in front of a bunch of people she knows, especially if the bunch includes her publicist. The freewheeling, sass-mouthed Eliza who strolled in here seemed to have been mysteriously replaced with a make-nice PR parrot. I had no choice but to rebel with some less conventional questions, in hopes of reuniting Eliza with her former pluck.

ROUND TWO: IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?

Is it true that you got your start doing commercials for feminine hygiene products in Japan?

Well, I was trying to keep that under wraps, you know what I’m saying? But, you know, it’s 2001. Let the truth be known. It’s the year of letting go; Saturn’s leaving my house.

Is it true that you were a spoiled child star?

I still am! Were? You should have seen me on the curb when I pulled up! No, I guess the only time I [pull a star fit] is with my brothers or my friends, and they know it’s all bullshit. But I was the biggest brat on the planet. When you’re 10 years old and have people waiting on you hand and foot and then all of a sudden you go back to the real world, it takes a little smack in the face. My brothers were definitely there to do that and tell me to shut the fuck up. God, my mouth is so dirty this morning…It’s such a sign of unintelligence when you swear, right?

Is it true that your name was Eliza Smith, but you changed it to Eliza Dushku to enhance the nickname possibilities?

You got me. It just seemed like it would be a lot of fun to have a last name that rhymes with ‘bush-goo.’ I think that’s what they said in Maxim.

You worked with Robert DeNiro twice. Is it true that you’re being groomed in his image?

It’s all about the mole, I think. It’s all about the big mole with hair growing out of it that we both have in common. The hair grows back after every shoot. Can we smoke in here?

Is it true that ever since Bring It On, you wash your car in a string bikini?

Every time. I actually wash the car with the string bikini while it’s on my body.

Is it true that you’ve been romantically linked with a series of rock stars?

Wow, I guess nothing’s a secret in this town. Yeah, I got a thing for guys who are good with their hands. [laughs] I’ve got respect for musical talent.

Is there a lucky fellow right now?

Off and on. I’d rather be dating myself right now that just have someone else kind of around. I have more fun that way. I always get what I fuckin’ want. [laughs] I hate those boyfriend questions. Whenever the magazine comes out it’s like six months later and it’s like…irrelevant.

Is it true that you have an almost unintelligible Boston accent?

When I’m wasted, yeah. When I’m two sheets to the wind, you’d think I’m ghetto. It’s all an act. But then I think I had a bunch of people who were hired to follow me around and smack me on the forehead whenever I said something without an ‘r.’ It worked. Fast.

Is it true that you like to pick fights?

I don’t like these questions. Yeah, when it’s relevant. You don’t want to be my victim, I’ll tell you that.

If you could use a stunt double in real life, what would you have her do?

This interview.

Is it true that you chant, “I’m a star” under your breath in times of crisis?

Pass. What time is it?

Is it true that you’re waiting for the right time to release your pop album?

It’s already been released! Apparently no one really responded, so it’s a touchy issue. I sing at people, I don’t really sing for people. It’s kind of like a weapon.

Is it true that you are a mad fan of Phil Collins’ “Sussudio”?

Out of the closet all the way, baby! No, I like a lot of things. I had three older brother who al had really different style, so I had a big variety of stuff… Aaron, my oldest brother, was an alternative, borderline ‘banger’ guy. Ben was reggae, Beastie Boys, [Dr.] Dre, hip-hop. And Nate was Madonna, show tunes…

What’s with your brother, Nate, and his hair creations?

He’s my buddy. He’s like my best girlfriend and my best…everything. We’ve just been best friends since we were kids. He’s my fashion consultant and my best party animal friend and my best hair stylists, I guess. And we live together.

Is it true that your mom is a Mormon feminist?

She’s a tough ass. She’s really, like, liberal and she’s done a million courses on women’s studies and traveled around the world. She raised four kids by herself and kept a job as a professor and she’s just kind of like, you know, really into, like sisterhood and bonding together. She’s amazing.

Is it true that you save your fingernail clippings in glass jars?

EWWWW!

Is it true that you like to snack on pork rinds?

Only when there are no Slim Jims.

Is it true that you use your celebrity to get into restaurants and clubs?

Ever since I’ve been getting recognized, they won’t let me in anymore! Everyone seems to know how old I am, for the first time in six years. [laughs] I guess in another year they’ll let me back in. I have to hang out at fuckin’ Mickey-D’s, where I’m always guaranteed, you know, a Happy Meal.

Is it true that you are recovering from the painful removal of your tattoo, “Winona Forever”?

Hmm, no, never had a tattoo. I’m recovering from a big henna that looked like a disease on my fuckin’ torso for three weeks. It was so bad. We were on Santa Monica Pier and there was this guy and I wanted a little, like, vine, and I think he was having so much fun, like, being on his knees, down there with my clothes all off, that he’s like, ‘Do you want me to add thorns? Do you want me to add this? Do you want me to add that?’ And it turned into this, like, big, like, awful, like, disease on my torso, but it’s going away now. But I have one tattoo in mind in the future. Just a little ‘sex vine’ right here (points to her hip).

A what?

A little ‘sex vine.’ A little sexy sort of vine, like a man-made happy trail.

Is it true that you’re ugly and your mother dresses you funny?

I’m still trying to battle my way out of [ugly]. No, in Maxim, it’s so funny, they printed the picture of me from This Boy’s Life and at the bottom, it’s me with braces, fuckin’ cat glasses, braids in my hair and, like, a little, like, terrible, poofy skirt. It’s so funny. And then there’s me on top with, like, you know, the twins having out full force.

Is it true that you’re gearing up for your third round of plastic surgery?

Third round? My twins look that good, huh?

Are there any rumors that you’d like to dispel right here in Mean magazine?

Actually, I won’t even say. Truth is I’m hooking up with both Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. OK? That’s the real story. It’s a tough situation, a tough sandwich to be in, but, you know…

Reprinted from Mean Magazine - July 2001